the odd crayon.

whether we admit it or not, everyone just wants to belong. even the toughest, meanest person you know also wants that. people may cast an image of independence, ruggedness, being free-spirited, being quirky alone, being weird, being extraordinary responsible, maybe even being indifferent; it can come in different forms but in their being alone, when the rest of the world goes to sleep, as they lie in bed alone in the dimmed-light four corners of their room, they wonder - when will i belong?

people, books, preachers, friends, they all tell us that there is someone out there for each person. some even say that until we find that perfect match, we are like angels who can't fly because we're missing a wing. they say that by default, we are meant to end up with someone to journey this life together with. and those who journey alone, that's because the choices they have made, led them to that road.

so where do we find this perfect match? i wish i knew. if i did, i would generously spread the word. if there were steps to follow or a map to it, i'll reproduce copies of it and give it out to the world, having my friends on the top list. but i don't. so like you, i journey through this life hoping i would stumble into that "magic".


its funny that i found myself talking to God one morning saying, i hope we (my match and i) find each other soon then i stopped and thought what if God forgot to make one for me? is that possible? nah, couldn't be because God would never forget....but what if there is, but someone beat me to it?! --panic! and, my perfect remedy for that is to brush those thoughts away and go on with my daily task --relax.


i just find comfort in trusting that i would eventually find that one for me. the one that i was talking about in my previous post. the one who would make me braver than usual, enough for me to take that risk (again). because as time passes, building walls that protect me from getting hurt gets a little tiring too. true that its a whole lot of work putting myself together after some guy make me believe that we're on the same page and then decides to disappear, or changes his mind, or turns out to be a monster and then breaks my heart into pieces but i think...someone would come along and everything i've been through would be worth it because after all, it managed to lead him to me and when that happens, i wont have to be the only odd crayon standing amongst those who've found their magic.

six:58